The snowdrops have poked up through the frozen ground, the snow and ice, and are the first sign of new green growth this year. I am always thrilled to see them.
But they are also a mystery to me. How do they push through frozen ground? How do they survive in sub zero F temperatures? They make me nervous, because I always wonder if they will live through the ravages that Winter still has in store for us.
They are a paradox, and they come up in Back and Forth Time.
Back and Forth Time is that time when the seasons start to turn.
One day it feels like Spring. Then, the next day, the wind and snow blow back in, and there is another blizzard, and it feels like Spring will never come.
I realize that Back and Forth Time is a powerful metaphor for me, about my life.
It’s when the Old isn’t quite done with me, and the New isn’t quite fully ready for me yet, or even visible.
So I get days when I am living out the Old, and days when I get glimpses of the New, but the New is only a glimpse and a vague feeling. The bread crumb trail is sparse, scattered, and sporadic.
I don’t know why, after all of the changes that I have experienced in my life, that I still expect change to move at a smooth, steady pace forward. I wonder why I think that the bread crumb trail will be clear and robust, rather than off-again, on-again.
I need to remember that when the New is just barely starting to awaken, I am in a Back and Forth Time.
The call is to be patient, to be an explorer, and to remain curious and awake, to trust the awakening and the aliveness in it.
I need to trust that it will eventually gain momentum and carry me forward.
Nature can help me with this. Nature, in its seemingly capricious Winter to Spring mood, reminds me that I am in a Back and Forth Time, and that I will have Back and Forth Days.
How do you want to be, in Back and Forth Time?