I didn’t even taste the first few bites of my breakfast this morning. Where was I when I ate them?

After a few minutes of being somewhere else (I know not where), my ongoing Commitment to Wake Up to My Life rapped on my shoulder, got my attention, and brought me back into the present moment.

Then I realized I hadn’t been there for my breakfast.

I paid full attention to the next bite of blueberries. It was riveting. The sudden burst of flavor awakened, enlivened, and energized me. Is this what Waking Up to My Life can be? It is a tantalizing and unfamiliar prospect.

This is a Waymark for the Camino de Santiago.

It’s very timely message for me right now is: Keep Going and Don’t Look Back, and Keep Your Eyes on the Trail Right in Front of You.

I am realizing that, duh, Commitment is an ongoing renewal of my vows to myself on this pilgrimage. Commitment is not a moment in time where I promise something to myself and then it’s done and I move on.

It is not enough to say that I am committed to Waking Up to my life, or to being present to each Now moment.

This is a commitment that I live into, through my decisions and actions in every moment. As I walk.

I choose, in every moment, to come to it fully awake, to be mindful. To keep my mind focused in the Now. To pay attention to the sights and sounds and to the trail that is right in front of me. And, especially, to release thoughts that aren’t relevant right now.

I find this amazingly difficult, and yet, in those moments in which I am able to do it, a palpable sense of peace, harmony, and well-being infuses me and I am renewed and energized.

And, when I do this, the Presence within me becomes palpable, and I live feeling connected. I feel my intuition; I sense my way.

I am committed to practicing this way of life, this way of walking my Way. This mindful practice is my true Waymark,

These pilgrims get up early! It’s a function of long mileage and hot temperatures.

I take a last look at the rising sun and then turn my back on the sunrise to begin my climb.

Now it is just walking  and paying attention that are my responsibilities. Stay alert and walk.

I catch myself wondering where I will stay the night, whether a bunk will be available, whether I will see all of the signs along the way. I find this mind chatter so distracting.

As I become aware of my Mind Running Off Into the Future, I remember my intention and my commitment to Be in the Present Moment as I walk, and I bring myself gently back to Now.

As I do, I feel a tension in my gut and a tightness in my shoulders release. I wasn’t even aware that I was carrying those.

This pilgrimage is asking many things of me. One of the things I am asking of it is to teach me what it can about my “real life.” I find myself asking my pilgrimage, now, what would it be like if “walking and paying attention” were my only responsibilities in my life.

What if, in “walking and paying attention” in each moment of our lives, we are given what we need to deal with anything as it comes up? Really trusting this would be such a different way of living. As implausible as it seems to me, I can feel a spark of curiosity and promise arising within me, a hint of a different way of living, of “just” inhabiting fully the Now Moment.

What would it be like to live like that?

Is that what Waking Up to My Life means?

This pilgrimage intends to show me the answer to those questions

I bring a fall leaf with me, from home. At the trail head, I let it go, allowing it to symbolize my release into this journey. I leave what I don’t need behind, and I travel with only the essentials. It feels at this moment like I am traveling with far less than I need, but I think that is the nature of a pilgrimage. A pilgrimage asks us to shed our beliefs about what we think we need.

When I used to backpack in the Sierra Nevada mountains, I was very limited in what I could take for 10 days or two weeks. Granted, it was a short period of time, but I was always amazed at the freedom that came from carrying everything I needed on my back. And, in the days before cell phones! In committing to the journey, I was trusting life to provide.

Now, on my pilgrimage, I am letting go, And, I know not what. I let go of whatever I don’t need anymore in my life, and whatever I do not need for this journey. I don’t know what all of these things are, but what seems important at this moment is my willingness to let them go and my readiness to travel without them.

I am reminded of the four words that came to me in my reflection time when I was first called to this pilgrimage: Intention, Commitment, Willingness and Readiness. They keep coming back. Now I am beginning to learn about them. This journey will teach me.

As I embark on my pilgrimage, I wonder if I am prepared enough.

I wanted to re-read The Art of Pilgrimage before I started, so I would know what I am getting myself into. 🙂 What is a pilgrimage, and what does it ask of me? What does it require of me?

I wanted to read personal memoirs, of people who have come before me on this walk, so I would have some sense of the reality of it. Again, of what will be demanded of me? What questions I “should” be asking of myself?

I definitely wanted to work out my itinerary. (This, with respect to the Camino de Santiago, is particularly laughable.)

But this morning I woke up and knew that it was time to begin, without knowing all of those things. It is time.

This is such a metaphor for my life and for my work, especially as a self-employed person. Do I ever know enough to do what I want to do? How do I even know what is enough? And how do I embark anyway, trusting that either I know enough or I will be given what I need as I go along?

It seems to me that at some point, every one of us is asked by life to trust the unfolding. To trust that we are enough and that we will find our way, that the journey itself will give us what we need.

This is that moment.

It seems to me that the question is not “Am I prepared?”.  Instead, it is “Am I prepared to trust the unfolding of my life?”

Pilgrims on the Camino have to trust lots of things. That they will find their way (even when they go off course), that they will find food and lodging, that they will be given what they need as they go along.

There is an expression on the Camino: “Trust the Camino.” Or, alternatively, “The Camino will provide.” The Way will provide. Now it is time to trust that.