What is the mark that you leave on the world as you walk on your journey?

I’m sitting in the quiet of nature, on my screened porch, in the fullness of summer, and a doe walks silently by.

She nibbles on a few leaves and stands quietly, as she appears to be listening. A few more silent steps, and she is gone.

It’s as if she was never even there, but she has touched me. I appreciate the beauty of her presence.

Last night, we were treated to a thunderous fireworks exposition from a neighbor, a quarter of a mile away. Since I couldn’t see the fireworks, each of the explosions shook me awake, to full attention, when it went off.

Sometimes we want to be “shaken awake,” to life, to living life fully alert and alive.

Sometimes we want silent beauty in the quiet of spacious presence.

Each of these makes its own mark on us and on our lives.

As each of us moves through our day, we have an impact on others. Each of us contributes to the rich experience that we call the diversity of life.

So, what is the mark that you are leaving?

When I noticed these cracks in our road, as I was out on a walk, I realized that I was seeing a reflection of my life.

What does this say about my life?

A lot of different paths, and I’m not sure where any of them are going.

How is your life being reflected back to you, today?

Have you ever caught yourself in “I’ll Be Happy When…..” Land?

I did, this morning. I hate when that happens. 🙂

“I’ll be happy when…..” is an insidious epidemic in our “can do,” “have it all,” “make it happen” culture. So we can’t judge ourselves when we slip into it.

But the question to me, is: Is this the way I want to live?

Do we really want to live in the prison of, for example, “I’ll be happy when….

• I’m fully healthy.”
• I feel more prosperous.”
• My X is repaired, or I have a new X.”
• I meet my soul mate.”
• (something changes in my life)
• (and, perhaps, one of the most challenging ones) Something is different for someone I dearly love.”

I call this Gap Management. There’s a gap between where we are and our happiness.

Then, we unwittingly spend our lives trying to change or fix things, ie, trying to manage the gap. Or, we wonder how we will make things different, or how we will create something else, because then we will be happy.

What we are really saying, and it is subtle, is: “I can’t be happy now, right in the middle of what is.”

What does living in Gap Management cost us?

We’re not living our lives fully right now, because we are focused on the “need” for something to be different. We’re not valuing or appreciating our lives as they are right now, because we’re perceiving them as flawed or not good enough in some way.

This is a particularly tricky one for me as a Life Coach, because I’m in the business of helping people change their lives, or to move successfully and happily through life transitions.

One way through this is to perfect the art and practice of “Both/And.”

You gently hold a desire, lightly, and unattached, as something that you might like to experience in your life. But, you’re not dependent on it for your sense of happiness or well-being.

That’s the “And.” You’d like to grow or change in some way, and you are able to find that feeling place of truly loving your life just as it is right now, also.

True freedom, however, would seem to be that I am happy for life itself. For merely being alive, however it is. That whatever is, in any moment, I trust my deepest wholeness and well-being.

While I completely get that intellectually, I’m not there in living it full-out. Some days, I catch myself in Gap Management. And when I do, I practice bringing myself back to the knowing that my deepest well-being doesn’t depend on managing a perceived gap. That’s why they call it practice.

 

 

 

We’ve been well-taught in our culture to run from doing one thing to another, to squeeze in as much as possible into our days and lives, and to multi-task, when possible, all in the name of productivity.

We have lost the art of paying attention to our lives, and the art of being present to the moment.

One of the exercises that was required when I was being trained as a Life Coach was a mindfulness meditation, about remaining present and paying attention to what is right in front of me.

It nearly drove me mad.

The assignment was to spend time (how long, I cannot now remember, but it was a significant period of time, perhaps 30 minutes, maybe longer), being with Under Your Kitchen Sink.

We were simply to put our attention on Under Our Kitchen Sinks, and to pay full attention to Under Our Kitchen Sinks.

We were invited to be extremely curious and engaged. About Under Our Kitchen Sinks.

You cannot begin to imagine how difficult I found that to be. Try it sometime.

I learned that simply being present and paying attention to what is in front of us is not for the faint of heart. To show up, fully present and fully engaged, with my life (which was Under the Kitchen Sink, in that case), was a challenge.

My inner gremlins had a field day. Why are you doing this? You are wasting time. Do you know how many other things you should be doing? What a complete and utter waste of time. I really need to clean this cupboard out. What demonic mind dreamed up this exercise? Blah blah blah.

Each time my mind ran off, I brought it back. I was cultivating attention.

This exercise paradoxically turned out to be one of the most meaningful ones of my training experience, once I debriefed it and thought about the parallels in my life.

I invite you to cultivate attention. Learn how much you show up to your life, really. How much of you is available to experience the fullness of your life, right in this moment? My answers to those questions weren’t pretty. 🙂

Why would you want to do this? Good question, and certainly one that I was asking.

Because maybe, just maybe, the fullness of life and vitality is everywhere, even under a kitchen sink, and we are missing a large chunk of it.

As Mary Oliver has said: “When it’s over, I want to say that I was the bride, married to amazement.”

P.S. Under My Sink doesn’t look like this, and I didn’t draw it during the exercise (that was verboten; just cultivate full attention). I drew it just to illustrate this blog post.

Right now, I’m hiding out in the most interior hallway of the house, with a dog crouched fearfully on either side of me.

There’s a Tornado watch in effect right now and a severe thunderstorm is in progress.

This got me thinking about how I used to love going out on the screened porch in the middle of thunderstorms, breathing in the fully alive, vital energy of the storm. Soaking in the moisture, wind, and the sheer wildness of the experience. I loved fully engaging with the cleansing energy of Mother Nature.

Now that I have two dogs that are terrified of thunderstorms, I choose to hide out and comfort them in the hallway (the weather service warnings always caution you to “go to the basement or the most interior room of your house.”)

Maybe this isn’t the best analogy, and maybe I’m actually better off in the hallway, but I started thinking of how else I am hiding out in my life.

When we hide out or shrink back from parts of our lives, it is like we are closing off rooms of possibility in the house of our life. If we aren’t conscious of making those choices, then we can end up living in only a room or two.

We might not even realize it. Maybe we are hiding from a new, exciting engagement in our work because we are waiting for the perfect time, or to have time!

Maybe we hold back from trying something new and creative because we’re not sure we can do it.

Maybe we’re hiding from deeper connection with friends as we cautiously protect our energy.

I’m not saying that we should say “yes” to everything that comes our way. Far from it. I’m just inviting us to make conscious choices about it.

Maybe I should go out on the screened porch and dance in the energy of the storm.

So, where are you hiding out?

 

I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, where fog was common, and it could be so dense that sometimes we joked about not being able to see our hands in front of our faces.

It was a very closed-in world sometimes.

Then, the sun would come up in a few minutes, and our familiar world was once again revealed to us.

A foggy morning the other day reminded me that, during the foggy times of my life, I just need to wait, to have faith, and soon enough, all will be clear again.

If you’re in a foggy time in your life, take heart. Allow the fog to comfort you. A clearing may be right around the corner, when the sun comes up again.

We all have lots of inner parts within us. We have a wise inner being, an inner critic, and many other aspects of ourselves.  I often liken it to a bus. You can have everybody on board, but you want your Wise Inner Being doing the driving.

In life transition, there are a lot of unknowns, and Unknowns are the playground of our inner critics.

The next time you feel a sense of diminishing of your energy or heart, check to see who is driving your bus.

What if your inner critic is in the driver’s seat?

My answer is my answer to pretty much everything: Perspective, Practice, and Tools.

Perspective

Have a wise, grounded perspective, from your wise inner being, ready to come back “home” to, when the inevitable inner critics arrive.

Practice

Always, always, always have a regular practice. like meditation, that connects you reliably with your wise, inner being. Sew your parachute before you jump out of the airplane.

Tools

Examples are Guided Visualization, Conscious Breathing, Walking Meditation. Having some tools that work well for you in your toolkit will give you some things that reliably help you return to your center.

 

If you are finding it challenging to make regular time to meditate, try a simple during-the-day breathing practice. It will change your state of mind and your physicality.

It will literally “break” the state you were in, and clear your mind.

It’s a simple as getting comfortable, beginning to notice your breath, and then taking a few long leisurely breaths, consciously, in and out.

You’ll be refreshed when you resume the activity of your day.

Would you like a practice to help you connect with your inner-most being, in any moment?

I don’t know how this works, but when I focus my awareness in my heart, my whole state changes. My rhythm changes. I feel more grounded. I have access to different level of wisdom within, that I don’t have when I am in “thinking mode.” I even breathe differently.

It’s a simple practice, that I’m hoping may help you too.

Place your hand on your chest, over your heart.

Take several long, deep, leisurely breaths in and out. Feel your rhythm change.

Say, and feel, “Thank you, Heart.” Really feel into your love and gratitude for your heart.

That’s it!

 

I love pink and orange together. And when they are with green? Beautiful!

When I saw this wild rose, I felt like Nature was going out of its way to delight me.

How is your world going out of its way to delight you?