What have I done, in committing to this pilgrimage?

As I mentioned in my last blog post about Commitment, what I have signed up for is a whole lot of Not Knowing: not being clear about what I have committed to, or what it means to be on a virtual pilgrimage, or what to do (that’s different than how I live my life already).

You regular blog readers will know that it has been a challenge for me, for years, to be consistent in writing and sharing on my blog. Thus, to share an intention to write and sketch, and publish weekly for the 6+ months that it will take me to walk 480+ miles is more than a little intimidating to me.

But a feeling that is equally strong in me is that what I have done is to make a big promise to myself, and to my spirit and soul, to live consciously, as a pilgrim. That appeals to me.

That is what I wanted, in committing to do a virtual pilgrimage. I’m clear about that. What I’m less clear about is what that really means in my day-to-day life; I’m just going to have to live with that uncertainty.

And because it feels like a big commitment, it feels like it is enough to inspire some change in me and in my life.

This commitment feels big enough to make a difference, for me, and maybe by sharing, for others.

Over my 20+ years of being a life coach, I have noticed something that originally felt like a paradox: it is the big goals and aspirations that motivate my clients most.

I would have thought that the big goals and commitments might have been more intimidating (and therefore less effective) than the bite-sized ones, but it turns out that it’s the big ones (the ones that really matter) that are the ones that most inspire action and change.

So: What have I done? I’ve made a big promise to my soul that matters a lot to me. That actually feels good.

What is the big promise that you want to make to your soul?

This is the first actually-walking week on my virtual Camino de Santiago pilgrimage. And this is a photo of the visual journal that I’m keeping on my pilgrimage, with ink and watercolor.

I am actually walking every day, really steps on real trails, at the local parks, not just in my imagination.

But I’m not burning up the tarmac like a live on-site pilgrim would. A pilgrim on the Camino would average roughly 12 to 13 miles per day (20 kilometers). I average between 2.5 and 3 miles a day, a little under 20 miles per week (32 kilometers).

I plan to show my weekly progress on a small map that I sketch in my visual journal, so I have a record of where I’ve been.

And I’m journaling a bit every day, noting what’s coming up for me about my walk and my life (remember my curiosity about what if I think about my life as a pilgrimage?)

What’s on my mind this week is Commitment. I’m committed to walking and journaling and sketching. But what else am I committed to?

In a prior blog post, I shared what I long for; those longings inspired this virtual pilgrimage.

• That I live with gratitude, especially for the ordinary and the everyday
• That I be the best person I can be
• That I feel like I am living on a solid footing of grace and equanimity

These aspirations are more about a state of being in the world, or the spirit with which I live my life, rather than a prescription for actions.

For me, they don’t lend themselves to an action plan, as in: I take these steps and I will get there.

They may lend themselves to particular intentions and spiritual practices, but even those aren’t clear to me yet.

What is clear to me is that I commit to embracing the spirit of being a pilgrim: that I show up to each day with an openness to life and a willingness to move forward:

• That I live with a “Yes!” in my heart
• That I pay attention to my experience and to what life is inviting me to

I’m committed to these things, and, from here, we will see what else shows up.

What are you committed to?

In my last post, I described the experience of standing on the virtual threshold of my pilgrimage as a mix of trepidation and excitement.

I can hardly imagine what it would be like to stand on the real threshold of the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage, and see the following sign:

I’m guessing that for me it would be a Gulp moment.

But, of course, like almost everything else about a pilgrimage, it is a paradox.

The paradox is that yes, it is a commitment to walk 480+ miles, but it is also a commitment to walk only one step at a time. I guess that is similar to our commitment to life, as well.

What are you feeling, as you depart on your pilgrimage?

Standing on any threshold, but especially the threshold of a pilgrimage, is a physical embodiment of your “Yes!” to the journey. It’s your tangible answer to the Call.

And, it’s an invocation. You are invoking, or calling forth from within you, your commitment to be what it will take to do the pilgrimage (as best you know right now). (See my prior blog post on The Inner Journey for more about that.)

For me, when I stop to really sense the threshold moment (rather than just charging forward, full speed ahead), it is a mix of trepidation and excitement.

Part of me gets that in stepping over that threshold, I am agreeing to change, and to my life being changed. It’s a powerful moment, and it deserves our conscious attention.

Part of me enjoys going on an adventure, even one where there will be a lot of unknowns. That part of me is eager to begin the walk.

Of course, there is no way to know what is ahead. So, when I take the first step of my pilgrimage, I am trusting the journey and trusting myself, to find my way. I throw my trust behind the belief that by taking one conscious step at a time, I will get where I am meant to be.

I trust my heart and soul to guide me.

And, as I stand on the threshold, I take one last look at what is behind me, and then I step forward, into the unknown, and I turn my attention to what is ahead of me.

I trust in the process of taking one step at at time, and I agree to live, as fully as I am able, in the present moment.

As you stand on the threshold of your pilgrimage, what are you invoking in your life?

I’ve been on several pilgrimages before, virtually. Even though my pilgrimages have been virtual, I have always tried to respect the process of being a pilgrim and being on a pilgrimage, as if my pilgrimages were real. This helps me have more of the full experience of the journey.

In that spirit of pilgrimage, I’ve published the following blog posts already:

• Longing for… (about the longing that precedes the call to a pilgrimage)
• The Call (to pilgrimage; about the Outer Journey)
• The Inner Journey (a pilgrimage is always as much about the inner journey as the outer experience)
• Life as Pilgrimage (what would it be like if we thought of our lives as pilgrimages?)

And before I begin to post my weekly on-the-walk visual journal pages, with maps and sketches and questions and quotes, I’m immersed in the following stages of pilgrimage, and so I want to write about them too:

• Preparation (this post)
• Threshold
• Departure and the Route

For me, the preparation for a pilgrimage consists of becoming clear about the answers to the following questions:

• What do I take?
• What do I leave behind?

I’ve read enough memoirs about pilgrimage to know that the answers to those questions aren’t always fully clear when a pilgrim takes their first step on their journey. Often, there is a continual shedding and refining of what is needed to leave behind, and to take, as the journey unfolds.

And, because my pilgrimage is virtual, what I need to leave and to take is virtual, or inner.

Here is what I want to leave behind:

• Beliefs that I don’t have enough time to devote to my pilgrimage activities and reflections
• Physical stuff that I don’t need anymore; I want to embark on a clearing mission
• Wavering about my commitment to this journey
• Any unnecessary distractions

Here is what I want to take with me:

• Stamina (I want to take care of myself more consciously and deliberately)
• Commitment to reorient my attention and awareness to presence in the moment
• My trust in the unfolding of the journey (ie, be ok with not knowing what’s ahead)
• My wholehearted “Yes!” to this pilgrimage

How do you want to prepare for your journey?

I am very curious about what might be different about our lives if we thought of our lives as a pilgrimage.

My last blog post was about some of the things I know about being a pilgrim, but I don’t currently have a vision for living my life as a pilgrimage. I hope to discover more about that as I walk the Camino.

My sense is that part of it is about cultivating the conditions in my life that support being a pilgrim.

What are those conditions? I have just the vaguest notion right now, but I am guessing that these are part of the picture:

• Living life at a different rhythm and pace. I have always been aware that the rhythm and pace of my soul are different than the pace that I live my everyday life.
• Allowing daily life to be governed by a different compass than the calendar and To Do list.
• Creating more spaciousness in my life, so that there is plenty of room for heart, soul, and spirit to express fully. I’m sure this is related to rhythm and pace, and it is also related to eliminating clutter and distractions.
• Cultivating stamina: doing the things that nourish me and support my fullest vitality.

All of these would seem to nurture my fullest connection with spirit.

What helps you to be a pilgrim in your life?

As I wrote in my last blog post, I’ve committed to walk the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage virtually.

It’s approximately 480 miles long, and at my average daily walking rate of 2.5 – 3 miles, it should take me 6 -7 months.

But that’s the outer journey.

I’m really doing it for the inner journey. To me, a pilgrimage is a spiritual journey into the depths of my heart and soul. It is living my connection to spirit.

I’m doing it because I want to live a more grateful and spiritually connected life.

I want to be a pilgrim.

What is being a pilgrim?

To me, the essence of being a pilgrim is being present to the fullness of life in each moment.

It’s knowing that each moment is sacred, however it might look.

It’s trusting my path: being on the journey of my life unfolding, without having to know where it is going. As a pilgrim, I trust that it is enough to just take the next step.

It is also knowing that it’s possible to experience divinity in every breath, and the beauty and wonder of life in each step.

And, finally, it’s a journey where I walk lightly and carry only what I need.

This is a tall order for me. It is how I aspire to live, but it is only rarely how I experience my life.

And I don’t, right now, have any idea how I live, fully, in this way. But I do know that the way I start is with intention, commitment, and awareness.

I invite you to join me on your own inner journey, the one that is currently calling to you.

What is the inner journey that you are on?

Last week, I wrote a blog post about what I long for, and I stated my intention to live a more grateful and spiritually-connected life.

As often happens, when I have a clear intention, life answered with an inspiration. In this case, I felt inspired to do another virtual pilgrimage. This is “the call”, in answer to my intention.

To me, a pilgrimage is a spiritual journey, into the depths of my heart and spirit.

It is a commitment to live intentionally, which is what I said I wanted in my last blog post.

A virtual pilgrimage is both an inner and an outer journey.

Ten years ago, in the fall of 2011, I went on a virtual pilgrimage to walk the Camino de Santiago in Northern Spain.

I researched the pilgrimage until I was very familiar with the route.

I purchased a couple of good guidebooks so that I could track where I was on the walk.

I read Camino memoirs, to get a feel for the experience of the Camino pilgimage.

I was faithful to my daily spiritual practices.

I walked every day.

And, I sketched the journey with ink and watercolor, from photos of the route.

Ten years hence, it is much easier to do a virtual pilgrimage.

There is now an online service that allows me to record all of my actual walking mileage, and it shows me where I am on the path, in map view, satellite view, and street view.

This will help my pilgrimage feel more real, while also giving me sketching opportunities along the way.

It will be a long journey. The Camino is approximately 480 miles, and I walk an average of only about 2.5 miles a day.

I plan to do a visual journal of my pilgrimage, and to post it on this blog.

I want to share ink and watercolor sketches of the journey as well as quotes, questions (for you), maps, and a bit about my inner journey of being a pilgrim.

What is the pilgrimage you are on?

Last week I published a blog post inviting us all to ask ourselves the question: What Really Matters?

I shared what really matters to me:

• That my connection to spirit is strong.
• That I live with gratitude, especially that I live with a vital sense of appreciation for the ordinary and everyday.
• That I be the person who I am at my best, for myself and others.
• That I feel like I am living on a solid footing of grace and equanimity.

Since writing that, I realized that I long for a stronger feeling of connection to spirit.

I have always been a person for whom my spiritual life is important. I’ve always had an active spiritual practice and a consistent spiritual focus in my life. I seem to have been born that way, even as a small child.

However, the circumstances of this last year, with our world facing numerous major challenges, including the Covid virus, have challenged my equanimity in unprecedented ways.

I’ve had too many wobbles this last year, too many times when I was aware that I have reacted to these circumstances with an edge of irritation and worry, rather than a response of resourcefulness, gratitude and appreciation. I have felt worn down, much of the time.

This “worn down” is more than just physical and emotional. My spiritual “bandwidth” has just been insufficient for the relentless challenges in our world in the last year.

I have realized that yes, I have an active spiritual life, and, it’s time to tend to it even more, and to rely on it even more.

So, I am hereby declaring my intention to live a more grateful and spiritually-connected life.

What does this look like?

Right now, I’m not sure, but that’s ok. For right now, my clear intention is enough.

What do you long for?

I have been feeling discombobulated lately.

I have been reading that this feeling of lack of focus and confusion and disorientation may actually be a “thing” in COVID time.

I have discovered something through my experience that may help you also, if you haven’t already discovered it for yourself: the antidote to discombobulation is compassion, specifically self-compassion.

A lot of “stuff” has been happening in the realm of our cars and house in the last couple of months:

• The heating system, refurbished over the winter, has been behaving badly again
• The light in the kitchen is being a trickster
• The automatic garage door stopped working
• Three major appliances died
• Our new linoleum began to buckle
• One of the tires on our car got slashed
• Our car battery died, and I couldn’t recharge it, with a new battery charger

None of this is big stuff. It’s ordinary stuff. We have to deal with this kind of stuff, being adults and all. 🙂

I must have been running low on my bandwidth for handling this kind of stuff because I started to lose it. It all began to feel relentless and overwhelming.

But none of that was the real problem. The real problem was that I started to judge myself about it: that I am not handling it well enough or fast enough or with enough equanimity.

Then, perhaps by sheer accident, I began to be nicer to myself about all of it.

I paid attention to, and respected, my energy levels.

I cut myself some slack. I made a list, worked only on one thing at a time, and let the rest go, temporarily.

I changed the self-talk to focus on even minor progress, like making a phone call, or identifying a resource.

In short, I loved myself in all of it, and who knew (!): it all started to feel better, and I started to feel more hopeful and resourceful.

So, if you begin to feel discombobulated, try some plain-old-ordinary self-compassion.